yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
