Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
