For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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