Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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