woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
