turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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