Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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