theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
