We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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