Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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