why im i the only drunk person in the library?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
