ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
