i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
