When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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