what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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