Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
nutella sex= disaster
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
