apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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