Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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