Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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