Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
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I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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