Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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