Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
