He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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