operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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