I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
