Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
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