She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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