she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
