I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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