when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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