he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
