you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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