I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
