oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
