I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
