Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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