I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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