There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
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I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
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I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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