Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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