She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
