I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
