I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
