also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
