I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
