He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
