Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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