when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
