I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
We were destined to go to rehab together
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
