Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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