the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My vagina is officially offended.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize
