I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You made out with two different species that night
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
