i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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