Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
