We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
