I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
