I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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