Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He? As in you personified your dick?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
