he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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