I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
