I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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