Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
there is glitter all over my balls
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
