His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
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I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
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my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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