you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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