LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
