im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
So much Jack, so little girl.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
