its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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