apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
