why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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