dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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