I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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