WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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