I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
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