he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
