If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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