im drinking this country out of the recession.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
