Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
