Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
