Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
