You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me