i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
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Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
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just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.