I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
