While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.