somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.