Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.