Your mouth is God's brothel.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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