worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
